Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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