Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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