love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
