so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
