i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
What happened to fro yo and sex?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
