my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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