Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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