i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
