well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
