I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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