the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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