I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
