I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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