Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
