He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
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Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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