Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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