Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
True college students do jello shots in the library
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