Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
