Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
