i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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