Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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