I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
