Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Randomize
