OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
too bad you live with your parents still
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
