alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
