I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
