So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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