she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
You did what with his pubic hair?
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