According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Randomize
