Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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