when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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