You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
