Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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