if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
