I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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