You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
