Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
