just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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