You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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