I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Randomize
