the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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