the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
