Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
