hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
