If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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