found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
