I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
