Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
