I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
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The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
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I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
so much tequila, so little girl.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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