She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
