I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
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Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
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You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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