did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
So much rum. So many feels.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
