yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
