He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
