i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
