of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
