I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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