Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
