New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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