Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
