I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize