I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
