Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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