Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
