oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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