I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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